This is the story of Matthew.
Matthew was in my first English class at State. Like any average person does when walking into your first day of class, you scope the place out. The ratio of men to women in the creative writing concentration was not equal. The number of women overpowered the room of the few men that were taking these classes. I walked in, sat next to this pretty blonde girl, and immediately befriended her. I quickly noticed the only cute guy in this class other than our professor was, Matthew. He sat closer to the door and upfront while I sat near the window towards the back. The blonde girl along with half my class, including Matthew, became regulars in my other classes. We were all in the same concentration so we were able to see each others’ craft develop over the semesters.
Matthew and I never spoke to each other but we have read each other’s short stories and have critiqued them. I distinctly remember during one of our writing workshop classes when I developed a small crush on him. You know those schools crush you have that are just that, a crush. The one where you never speak to each other or acknowledge each other. The one where it’s just because they’re in the same vicinity as you. It was that kind of crush. It happened after reading one of my favorite pieces in that class, he wrote a funny short story about these gangsta pigeons and that solidified my school crush. I never physically saw Matthew again after we left for spring break in March of 2020 and we eventually never went back to physical classes. I would only see him on my laptop screen during our workshop classes.
I knew absolutely nothing about Matthew, except that he was an English Major with a concentration in Creative Writing like me. I knew that he was planning on attending Law School after graduating and that he was articulate and funny. Oh, and that he had a cat that looked like my Mocha (you can thank Covid for this one fact).
I honestly didn’t think he even noticed me or knew much about me. It’s crazy to think how others perceive you or how they think of you, or lack thereof. I’m just an extra in people’s lives, seeing them through my lens and making up scenarios, feeling kind of like Joe Goldberg.
Graduation time was nearing. I was excited to finally close this chapter and move on with my life that didn’t involve school. Graduation didn’t take place the same way because of Covid. There wasn’t a stage to walk across, nor students sitting together, or a maskless face. We were allowed four passes (I took my mom, two best friends, and my boyfriend), and we sat together on the bleachers of our school football stadium. As the names were being called by the professors of the school, a photo of the graduate alongside a quote, appeared on the big screen. I would notice some of my classmates’ names and cheer for them. Matthew’s name came across and I cheered for him quietly telling my guests that he was in my class.
Since we were done with school, I proceeded to find some of my classmates on social media, Matthew was one of them. I found him on Instagram and befriended him. I left it at that and occasionally DM him whenever I saw something worthy of replying to his stories, in a very platonic way.
Two years later after befriending him on social media, I found myself inviting him to Pride at Piedmont Park, and my surprise, he joined me. This is where I got to know him and WOW, you don’t know anyone until you sit down and have a conversation. We walked the park and joined in any shenanigans the festival offered. I remember leaving the festival with a bag full of condoms, a bunch of random goodies, and a different outlook on Matthew. This was someone I wanted to keep as a friend. He is someone that has a great and calm energy that matches a few of my friends. I wanted him to meet them so I invited him to my Halloween party. He didn’t come.
I invited him to come on a spontaneous trip to celebrate my birthday early with a few of my friends to a different state in one of my favorite cities, Asheville, NC. He was surprisingly down to join, even though I placed him in a car full of strangers, while I was driving a different car. I just knew that he would get along with car one and they did. This was a fun trip, we had a lot of pints, cheered to my bday, played games, ate, and laughed the whole night. I kept inviting him to events that my friends and I would go to and he would come to some.
However, one night, we decided to go to a Christmas bar in Decatur Square, just us two. There was no indication that this was a date or that he was interested in me or vice versa. Just two friends enjoying each other’s company and living life. We decide that carpool was the best idea and he came to pick me up. We talked the whole way to the city, nothing was off limits. When I say we talked about everything, we honestly did. I was telling him about my recent breakup and he told me about his past relationships and how he doesn’t believe in love (I rolled my eyes when he said that) Deep and honest conversion. We bonded over our love for Mac Miller, our shared interest in TV shows, and people-watching (I guess that’s the writer in us).
I remember he parked on the side of my house, walked up to my front door (without stepping on the grass), ranged my doorbell, and waited for me on my porch to come out. I sprinted when I saw the notification on my phone that someone was ringing the doorbell. I remember feeling butterflies because I didn’t want my mother to see who was at the door. I stepped out and I’m thankful that my ring camera caught the interaction. I hugged him hello and he complimented me in an awed way. We walked to his car and I pulled him to walk through the grass with me, then he opened the car door for me.
We get to the Tiki bar and of course, there’s a long wait. We put our names down and walked around the square. We settled at an outdoor space where there was a food truck and a bar. There were firepits everywhere and picnic tables. We grabbed a few pints and ate some tater tots. We started to grow impatient because the Tiki bar was taking its sweet time to text us, so I initiated a plan B. I’m a problem solver. I pull out my phone and look for concerts near me (if you know me, you know that concerts are my love language). One was nearby and we decide to listen to an artist that we’d never heard of. After listening to his most popular song called, I Love You, we were sold, (funny how that’s all the song says, after having that conversation in the car ride about saying I love you). There were no tickets available online, so I called the establishment. Problem solved. They stated they still had tickets at the entrance. We pay out our tab and walk to the parking deck. I kid you not, the moment we got into his car, he gets the notification that the Tiki Bar has our table ready.
We looked at each other and said fuck them, we’re already going to a concert. We rode that high of adrenaline to the West Terminal listening to our new favorite artist, Kavion, (Well he’s not our favorite but he’s someone I will listen to at the gym). After we park, we get in line to buy our tickets and we were in, we thought we were late because the show started at 10 and we arrived after 10. To our surprise, the opening DJ before the opener was still playing and the small tabernacle was pretty empty. We grab some drinks at the bar and explore the tabernacle a little.
We’re scoping out the place and looking for the best possible spot to settle into. Until… I spot a familiar face. I kind of grew into a shock and tried to play it off cool. I was debating whether to tell Matthew what I just witnessed but I decided to tell him because we had been very open and honest the whole night.
It was my ex.
What in the world was he doing at a concert? And alone? How many concerts did I have to go to alone because he didn’t want to join me? And now he was here enjoying a concert without me? It rubbed me the wrong way for selfish reasons. Matthew asked how I felt (you guys!!! Like how fucking sweet is Matthew, worried about how I’m feeling because of the situation.) I felt fine on the outside but I was anxious af on the inside. I told Matthew that I was fine and we decided to make our way to the upstairs porch to settle there. We got a good view of the stage and the crowd downstairs.
It started to get packed and even the upstairs section (which is a small section) was getting crowded a little. Thankfully we got a place right by the railing. Matthew stood behind me (Because he’s way taller) to sort of protect me from all the other strangers there. The opener came out and we vibed to the music he was playing. We did not know what we were getting into when we noticed all the veteran ravers were in their full element when Kavion came out. We danced the night away, I befriended the girl next to me, Matthew grabbed us a few more drinks…
He was getting more confident and would slyly put his hands on my waist. Pulling me into him while we slowly move with the music. We were in synced. I kept looking back at him craving his lips on mine. Telling him with glimpses of my eyes to make the first move. He would press his body against mine and our chemistry was growing stronger. We were singing our lungs out, jumping in place from joy, taking in the electric atmosphere. I remember thinking to myself, did this whole night turn from two friends hanging out to an unexpected but magical date? Would this be considered our first date? Not too shabby. Such a spontaneous date and one that we will never forget. The music continued to fill the tabernacle and the flashing lights graced our faces. I would brush my hands against his and interlock our fingers from time to time, holding onto his hands while I danced the night away.
You could tell he was just happy to be a part of this experience and genuinely enjoying me in my element. There was this essence about him that brought me calmness mixed with confusion. Was I starting to fall for him? Is this what lust feels like? How can someone be so sweet and caring all while genuinely getting to know me, listening to me, and understanding me? I was in complete shock at my feelings and started to overthink. I didn’t even know he saw me in this light or considered me someone that he would take on a date. I honestly didn’t think he even liked me.
Kavion ended his show with the infamous song, I Love You. Matthew and I sang that song at the top of our lungs like we were his biggest fan. Before we headed downstairs for Kavion’s encore, we went outside to the outdoor back patio for a breather. No one was there, it was just us two and the train passing by gifting us a slight breeze on a warm December night. We were facing each other talking about the concert and how crazy we are for ending up there. What a turn of events, we laughed. The laughter brought us closer, my hips swaying with his. I was giving him those fuck me eyes as I looked up and locked with his. He grazed his right hand on my cheek, moving my sweaty, fallen-curled hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. Circling down my neck and up to my chin. He lifted my chin to meet his and kissed me ever so sweetly.
xoxo,
ebarona
